Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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