she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
