careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Randomize
