I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize