I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
