So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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