I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize