Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
