He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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