sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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