Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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