my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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