I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
where are my eyebrows?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
