I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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