can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
