Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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