Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
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