Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
