Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
