12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
