Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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