I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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