I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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I woke up under a house in Key West
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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