You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
