she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize