so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
