Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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