I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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