So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize