I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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