not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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