is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize