Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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