i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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