Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Randomize
