fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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