just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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