he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Still dying that you shit outside
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
