In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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