did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
