paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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