The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize