Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
