he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
