Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
