I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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