i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
