I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
