u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
