i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
my being single is dangerous.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
