Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
The ass gains better be worth it
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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