Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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