she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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