I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
