Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
