im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize