im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
