At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
