Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
