I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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