Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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