just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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