It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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