Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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