If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
