Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
what is it with giant penises always finding me
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
