It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
