Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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