Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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