That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
