And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
be right there i have to get my cape
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
