I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
