i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
