Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
