used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
