youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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