Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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