I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
