I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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