I want to make a zoo with you.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
