There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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