I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
