1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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