Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
