dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
