You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
