Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
