she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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