Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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