Betty ford says i'm here all night
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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