FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
