I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
