he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Randomize
