awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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