his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
