Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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