So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
