I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
