and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize