Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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