i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
