he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
