Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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